Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Orvis Summerwear

There’s something gratifying about meandering through the clothing periphery known as catalog-wear. Catalogs aren’t selling clothes designed to fit a theme or a character. They’re selling clothes that they hope will sell. This allows more room for critique as I can sit back and take shots at the brand if their viewpoint of the consumer is different than mine. Designers design for partly art and partly sales. If you take a pot shot at a designer, a fan will always pull out the “for art” card and deflate your ego (just wanna’ feel heard and superior y’know what I mean).

As I did for Orvis’ winter-wear, I hope to do for their summer-wear. There’s less stuff to sort through this time around as it’s not particularly good. Catalog-summer-wear tends to be baggy (they’re selling to 60 year olds beginning their retirement, not 25 year olds) thus making me less likely to pull out the product and produce natter, so this post is noticeably shorter.


Western Barnfly Shirt

Okay, not bad. It’s got sleeve buttons for fly-fishers or other active-wear nonsense, but that’s forgivable; it’s allegedly utilitarian. The buffalo print is pretty cool as cheesy prints are on their way back in (see the film Casino). What? It comes in a skull print? Does it come with a fake biker gang patch? Is it a mid-life crisis shirt that happens to be cheaper than a Harley?


Woven Trimmed Polo Shirt

All right, polos are cool. Park, Bond & Jelly did a feat. on them recently which definitely means they are (because, PB&J is from NY which means anything they do is cool). And then they put a lining on the collar because it subtly shows what a badass you are. And then you pop your collar so you can blatantly show everyone what a jackass you are. On second thought, polos are still kinda’ dumb. I’ll be dumb for polos but not for this one.


Honey-Comb Knit Cardigan

It’s a sweater like those sweaters your favorite dudes wear (see touchy Ping and post-modern Larry [except theirs have more pockets but you already noticed that because you’re a student of the game]). Cool, I guess, if you’re into summer sweaters. Some people just like to sweat in their sweaters when May flowers come out.


Sunset Shirt

Har. Har har.


Western LS Shirt

Western shirts are coming back and so are bolo ties. Y’know what I learned about shirts with buttons on the chest pockets? I learned you can’t wear them under sweaters or you’ll look like your nipples are hard. How is that not the funniest thing ever? This shirt still sucks. Just go to H&M.


Jaquard-Border Shirt

There are some really cool characters that wear Hawaiian shirts. Y’know the badass who never gives a fuck, does drugs, drinks excessively, and shoots people. The lesson is that you have to be a character; not a regular dude with a neckbeard and Sketchers. I mean, you could, but it’ll wear you if you don’t wear it. If I were to wear a shirt like this I think I’d have to wake up with 3 G&Ts every morning.


Mountain Division Sweatshirt

Remember when everyone hated on zip-neck sweaters? They said they were too dad-wear. Well, the hate has died down (remember when everyone hated the communists?). I still think they’re too dad-wear. But, hey, dad-wear can be cool too.


Cotton/Linen Banded Collar Shirt

Mandarin collar in catalog-wear is odd. They seem like a Burberry advertisement sort of deal. It won’t be slim. It probably won’t be considered ‘cool’. But it’s linen and baggy and that will always be ‘cool’ (as in temperature) in the summer. I also heard blood stains come out of linen easily but I don’t know if that’s true or not. Does some one want to test that for me? I’ll feature you on my blog.


Limited Edition Hawaiian Shirt

Y’know what? I changed my mind. I’d wear Hawaiian shirts. I’d just have to drink 2 G&Ts every morning.

Orvis. Their summer-catalog-wear is bad. Like, I’d wear it because I have terrible taste, but if you’ve got an inch of sense you’d recycle the catalog you get in the mail immediately. Actually, stop spending money on clothes and eat expensive fruits and collect hammocks and play RISK until the wee hours and build a boat and have fun with friends this summer and remember to cut your selvedge into jhorts. Until next time, toodles!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Nike Flyknits

John: Nike makes some crap shoes. Nike also makes some awesome shoes so I guess it just takes some know to navigate what to get and what to avoid. Now that a lot of imagery for the Nike Flyknits has dropped, I hope that these fall under the "get" catergory. I mean, they should be, as the racers (pictured) are prepared for the London games this summer. Gotta' love them speedy lightweight running shoes. For speedy running that is.


Sam: idont know why john thinks theyese are so cool because theyrenot you know what is cccool nike frees are cool cause you can wear them with a suit and look really really cool these suck because you cant wear them with a suit becase not blogger has every done it if i had pctures of how they look but i dont because im still trying to get a pair

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Lycra Thongs

The man sat there. The writer sat across from him. The writer was from a magazine, or a newspaper, or a blog. Who really knew? Not the man.

He sat and fed bonbons to himself and to his dog, who would later be severely sick because the man had no idea that chocolates made dogs sick. He spoke words that people would hold as wisdom and accept as truth. Yet he had made his money playing someone else, playing a lie. Funny, really, when you think about it.

The man looked at the writer erotically. Man or woman, it didn’t really matter, as long as he seduced him or her for the story. Seducing your interviewer is fairly important. Good press is good press no matter who writes it.

The man sat on his bed and thought about the question, or at least he feigned to as the question was truly inane, and scratched his balls through the single lycra leopard print thong he was wearing. Lycra was great but it made just want to scratch his balls constantly. However, not having to wear anything but the thong was freeing. Worth the ball scratching in the man’s opinion.

The man finished his second gin and tonic, funny and tasteless because it was the middle of winter and any person who cared about what society thought about them would drink any thing other than a gin and tonic, before he started to give his highly valued opinion on topic that the interviewer had presented him with. “Style is... sooo subjective.”

The writer knodded and smiled. The entire interview would be published. It was gold. People would be quoting the man for years. Artists truly understand the world for how the world should be, the most practical of world views, and not for how the world was. The world will be happy because people who wear lycra thongs will have visions for the future.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

blogspots Worth Following

I don't know what happened. People don't read blogspots any more. People are rolling around tumblr looking inward in their community and not bothering to look outward. Subjective is great and all but when I see subjective critiques disguised as objective, my stomach roils. You can be a judge as long as you aren't exclusive of others. If you are exclusive? Then get real and stop kidding yourself. You're not judging because others are wrong, you're judging to build yourself up.

So here's some non-tumblr links you all need to follow because this introspective labeling will create you a community but close your mind:


ADG loves his Flusser stuff and also got me using the term "fuzzy dice", which is odd given that I haven't met the man. Things get awkward when personal photos show up. On the other hand, his quest for sartorial nonsense is second to none. Horizontal striped shirts? Yes. Green shoes? Yes. Book collections? Yes. Toy soldiers? Er, maybe? His suits range from 1 year old to 20 and you wouldn't know the difference. He goes through martinis much faster.

Coiled Pleasures

Patrick doesn't do many posts about clothing. Mostly he just goes to his local library, rents crappy movies, and tells you why you shouldn't bother watching them. I enjoy reading these but I know you tumblrs only care about style and fashion (why know everything when you can know just a few things?). He'll post some stuff about how a guy who writes for the paper will dress on occasion; mostly trad stuff and moccasins (Pochahontas meets Yale). Also, fly fishing.

Admiral Cod

He's an asshole and a racist. Still worth reading.

Young Man/Old Man

More crotch shots. Also, ACC jokes, some awesome whole-cuts that never get old, croakies, and penny loafers.

Hands on with X

"But this is just pictures of food." You're right, but there's some EG and New Balances hidden in there if you look closely. #menswear Where's Waldo.

This is not New

I keep on screwing up putting JJJound's new addresses in my reader. This one never changes. It's easier. It's also better than tumblr because the stream of thought is not interrupted by those crappy #menswear memes.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Sam Franklin's Swimsuit Round-up

Im going to be doing more posts since john is going abroad because hell be in a forieng country dong stuff so like I get to do product reviews which I haven’t gotten any product offers but im sure theyre coming

Listen yo I been thinking about the summer and all the warth that it offers cause of all the warm weather welve gotten in the tates I been thinking about swimming in the summer and suwim suits and stuff

I decided to give you a rundown of all the cool swimsuits out there but I forgot the links so youll have to try and find them on your own
Oh well


So.lid swimtrunks are great and go well with every skin tone you can be fat or skiny and wear these in sfutt these are probably mad cheap from where ever I recommend searching ebay and getting used ones cause theyre cheap


Ones with patterns are crazy and for sartorial experts like me


Yo there swim trunks are on that new rickowns awesome stuff and things theyre proably my favorite of the bunch and id like to add these to my wardrobe ive got like 5 paris of swim sturnks but I wear all of them cause I love swimming as I tiold you in the begginging of the post


These are crazy and like on a sartorial level of like11 and they are really cool but you know whats not cool

Pubes pubes aren’t cool at all

You should consider shaving them or trimmering them up yo like heres how you do it


You take a razor or trimmer and go with the hair not against it or youll get razor burn which sucks on your face but is worse on your legs that crap is the worst thing ever like I was trying to shave a monogram into my pubes but them I shaved the wrong way and got burnt

I couldn’t sit down and when I was with a girl she was like you whay is your skin all red and I was like embarrassed and instead of sying razin burn I said std and then she ran away and told all of her friends
It was really the worst thing ever