“You and me guy, we’re gonna’ grow old together.”
The man sat with a new pair of pants next to him.
“We’ll grow old together and we’ll be trustworthy and I’ll you everything. We’ll be BFFs!”
The pants sat and looked awkward.
“Here, have some of your coffee!” the man exclaimed and poured some coffee down the pant’s fly.
The pants sat and looked awkward and wet.
The man pulled out his computer and wrote about how the pants would grow old with him and they’d have lots of stories to tell and how he’d wear them every day and never wash them and how the pants would whisker and how they'd have adventures and how they'd carry him through life like a trustworthy friend and how he'd spill stuff on them but the pants would still hang out with him and how all his other friends sucked and how the pants would go through bitter rejection of girls but more hopefully they'd be there for the successes but mostly just bitter rejection.