Wednesday, November 27, 2013

In which a Buzzfeed/Gawker/Jezebel writer writes an unintentional fiction about #menswear because they need things to conform to their world-view

Men have been dressing way better recently, right? I don’t know, maybe. People still wear Jets hoodies at the bars I go to but sometimes I see a guy wearing a blazer and jeans or maybe even a tie and shit, and I, like, totally swoon, right?

Where did this come from? How can I explain this phenomenon? It’s probably because women are earning more money so men have to gussy up a bit. I took a feminist studies course one semester so I’m an expert about changing gender identities. Yeah, that’s totally it. Woman power is causing men to up their game and not look like a goat vomited up a sweater. Once one guy discovered that wearing classy, Paul Newman-esque, things, then everyone realized it works. Guys think with their dicks so totally.

Why do #menswear writers make rules lists? I just stumbled upon #menswear blogs so I'm an expert now. Don’t they know that everything is subjective except for the things that I don’t want to be subjective? Here I say, “something really misinformed about the menswear industry.”

Men want to dress well because they’re all fuckin’ conformists. Yep, that’s it. You all wear those ties and jackets and boots and look like a clone and I hate it. I wish everyone dressed grunge because that’s how I dress and I want to be able to say, “I dressed grunge but now I dress like I’m from suburban Calgary and need to wear a parka everywhere because everyone dresses grunge now.”

Something provocative and obviously wrong to drive pageviews from #menswear acolytes leaving comments after a couple people link this article on their twitter and a Valet mention.

A run on sentence about socks.

Men dress well now because they want to be their grandfathers. This is it. I need to make statements like this because it was what I was trained to do. Make conclusions. Consider but discard other formulas. Let us simplify things because this post would be far too long. #menswear identity can be summed up in a shitty internet post. Humanity can be summed up in a shitty internet post. Do I get free coffee and maybe a daily column now?

If I'm wrong it doesn't matter because #menswear is a conversation we need to be having. Communication breaks down barriers. Just to show you that I'm right.


Friday, November 1, 2013


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Big #menswear movement. They’ve been taking over “the game” and you don’t even know how to handle how they interpret style through their lenses. 

Their pictures just get you, man.

So stylish.


Giving men an apex to climb to and all else is trash. 

The movement started in 2005.

This shit is 8.

What is an #influencer?

“BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographers have been presenting the best of the style world for a number of years and have plenty of published works. They make up at least half (nah, more than that) of tumblr. They’ve been featured on GQ, Esquire, and yours truly (nah, not really, might be cool though? prolly not, i hur they got ‘tude). 

The Sartorialist, Tommy Ton, Guerreisms, some other shit, I think maybe some girl’s facebook albums, and a variety of other experienced photographers have been takin’ over influence. 

“BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographers go to awesome events like Pitti Uomo, Paris Fashion Week, and NYFW and take “BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographs. 

iPhone? Nah, “BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographs take photos with the best equipment. They get to paid to take “BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographs so premium production would be expected.

There are even short films about “BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographers. It’s an art-form.

“BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographers have guided us towards what we should be and how we should act and “if you’re thinking about red then you should think about these pictures of my friends that I took.”

Logic is photos which are light and dark and texture and reblogs.


People have written pontification pieces about “BUT-REALLY-DOE-I-JUS’-TAKE-PITCHERS-OF-MAH-FRIENDS” photographers; this piece included.

Goddamn, right?

Can’t wait to see 30 more in my Feedly. It's like I'm creepin' on y'alls facebook profiles. Which, who knows, maybe?